Blending lives
and other stories of grit
Its dec 16
I have to be in my son’s school: meeting with his teacher
and I have to be up at 7:30am
it’s 1:30am already
—
the cold outside is palpable.
weather.com says 15C but I feel like a popsicle in the back of the freezer
So id say it feels more like 7C.
But how will a coastal girl know the difference between 17C and 7C?
they are like varying degrees of mummification
—
yet.
I refuse to wear sensible clothes
I mean. ..I have a pair of socks on
That is the most sensible thing about what Ive got on
the rest of me is in a black satin slip dress that belongs more in a Sidney Sheldon novel
than in the bangalore cold snap of 2025. ..
—
I have never really been very rational in my choices
I suppose its been a hallmark trait of mine: to do things that I feel like doing
vs. what is traditionally social wisdom dictate
Sometimes I wonder why this rebellious streak - that I got constantly rapped on the knuckles for - (which in essence is just me doing what makes sense to me in the moment..) feels like an itchy woollen jumper to society..
I mean, I should be in an itchy woollen sweater right now, yet here I am, typing away in an ankle length slip camisole that makes me feel all christmassy and bright: one that would definitely get me a earful from a wisened old elder…
—-
the joy of living on my own terms is not lost on me
I can eat what i want. And wear what I like. And sleep in for as long as I desire: (except I have to be up in a few hours today, but that aside…) I do enjoy the solitude Bukowski wrote about..
I enjoy it.
SO much so. The thought of blending into other people’s schedules now feels alien and wasteful
Who wants to be up with the Sun? not me
Who wants to wind down at nine? Again not me
Who says I have to eat breakfast when Im not yet hungry?
Who says I have to do three meals?
What is the rule book against a mid-night shower?
Who says I cant stay in bed, listening to Illayaraja compositions from the 90s: comparing his own body of work - pre-Rahman and post-Rahman..
Who sets rules for the individual?
I mean Im sure there is some traditional wisdom in these things
And Im pretty sure, science will tell you all sorts of things when you tickle it to death.
But
I like what I have going for me
—
I hacked Time.
Unfettered by a clock.
Un-dictated by social norms..
I use time differentially
The span of songs
The length of a podcast
The duration of meal prep..
The space between stomach growls..
—
ive never missed a meeting
never been tardy with my work
and Ive never felt more alive than I do these days
—
I use up all my energy before I crash out: which may be at 3 in the mornign or 3 in the afternoon. I stay in bed till I am rested and ready
Food is fuel
And water is nourishment
If I feel like eating cake I eat cake
If I feel like letting my cells burn stored fat, I starve
No major complication
No having to listen to learned ‘wisdom’
No needing to conform to someone else’s clock
I wake up to a clean house
To hot black coffee
To a work station where I do things with my hands
A very fulfilling work life that connects me to the world, people and my sense of belonging
I am held in love by a few significant people that I call my own
Nothing I truly desire is more than a few heartbeats away from me
—
Society… holds no real significance in my life
Yet. I tread carefully
Gently
I am aware that my freedom is hard earned
And I am aware that there are many that are yet to get there
Both men and women
Speaking of, I’ve been thinking of my mom a lot lately
I sometimes feel I picked up where she left off
My mom gave up aroudn the time I was my son’s age
She went inward and crashed
I did the opposite
I kicked into overdrive and spun out of orbit into my own track
It was hard. But goddamn was it worth it!
To be free of the shackles you wilfully place on yourself - a different place, a different time - misplaced sense of duty, misplaced sense of time…
Ive been there
Ive paid my dues
And now. As I type this, I know that if i choose to blend my life with society in any form or fashion
It will be with a tribe that’s able to live and let live
Give space and take space at the same time
Care but not smother
Love but not trap
Desire but not derail
—
Now I live a life so ordinary,
That it is truly extraordinary:
A life filled with the best of the simple things.
The most beautiful joys that are free:
and the best that money can buy - always at the swipe of a finger
here’s to simple grit
The grit needed to say ‘no’ ‘never’ ‘i chose me’
may that grit find you this holiday season
with my best
t.s.ronnie
