Boundaries
and how i earned them
It’s a beautiful Wednesday morning here in Bangalore
The Rain gods decided to grace us with a torrential downpour all afternoon and evening
And never mind the urban mess that is the unplanned wreck of a beloved city…..
The air is fresh and crisp
The neighbour’s dog has started its cacophonic conversation with it’s equally talkative friend across the lane
And
Jack Savoretti is serenading me with “What more can I do?”
Overall, my life is at a good, peaceful pace
Peaceful for me.
(Could be a dangerously fast lane for someone else…
But that’s for another day.)
It’s 7am in the morning.. and
What does my day look like?
one word: packed.
I hold down a job in Climate Action where i constantly learn, lead and find ways to pivot so we can create better, meaningful communities of the future.
You can read about my journey in climate action on my other blog… Climate Control is Inevitable
I’m actively building NexoCircle - the offline social club for those who believe in levelling up their life game in the time of Ai.
NexoCircle takes up significant energy as it is a nebulous, moving, breathing organism made of people’s hopes, loves, dreams, and fears….shaping it takes courage, fortitude and a whole lot of ‘flying by the seat of the pants’
And so,
I haven’t been writing actively
Usually happens when I have to write as a preoccupation for work, vs. writing for the joy of telling stories.
But I have also discovered that the brain is a beautiful, delicate circuitry of neuron firings that requires focus on one or the other faculty.
And so, I’m either writing from a place of reason and emotional conviction
or I’m writing from a place of creation and invention.
Hence, I typically don’t put both in the same bucket on the same day…
and so I’ve gone weeks now, without writing a satisfying word into “The Immortal Motley Crew” - which gets bigger and more monumentally real in my head as the days pass.
Someday.
That day will come when my workday settles to give me more deliberate time for creation.
Someday I will be able to write it as smoothly as I can other things.
And I will wait patiently…
Like a sniper waiting for their kill shot.
—
And so. Back to:
Boundaries.
They are everything
Inside the brain’s invisible capsules
Inside your day’s schedule
Inside life and relationships…
Boundaries are healthy
Boundaries are normal
Boundaries make things sustainable
Without boundaries, things crash into each other
And unless you are a race driver - which you are not - you know, boundaries are everything when you drive in the fast lane
Growing up,
My boundaries were violated constantly
by so-called ‘well-meaning’ folk
My mom was the worst when it came to personal boundaries
She didn’t believe her daughter deserved any
That sort of ruins every other boundary-setting effort from there on
I am not the only one to have had very intrusive parents..
any kid who grew up in the 80s knows what i’m talking about..
That generation wrongly equated boundaries with secretiveness
In fact, its one of society’s greatest cunning fingerprints
equating boundaries to shady secretiveness
And this has been a major reason I have had the sort of massive trust issues i’ve carried all my adult life
The takedown of boundaries being paraded as a sign of openness
And so,
My son and I set boundaries very early in our relationship
I respect him and hold my end of the line where he is concerned
And he has learned to understand and hold my boundaries
I believe it has strengthened our bond
We flirt on the edges of our boundaries, and have fun around it.
never breaching: always mindful
Boundaries where curiosity is kept in healthy check
where we know that there are some things the other person is supposed to control and regulate
That its none of my business to be all over my son’s business.
And none of his, to be all over mine
Single mom and all.
Interestingly.
Ever since my child hit puberty, which was a year or so ago
I learned for the first time
to hold my boundaries everywhere else in my life
You know what they say…that you never really grow up till you h=ave had a child
I cannot tell you how true that is:
I have been growing up everyday, learning to unlearn, learning to embrace discomfort
only because of my child being in my life
It’s like a graduation programme given freely to those who seek it: parenting
you get lessons in humanity, character-building, decision making, problem-solving, resources-allocation, future-planning, medical emergencies… and - boundary-setting..
Once you become a parent.
And to mark how I cherish my child,
I let the legendary Bob Dylan sing you the emotion…
Supposedly written for actress Racquel Welch, covered and performed by musical greats like Billy Joel and Adele… but here is the maestro himself with ‘Make You feel my love’
and so,
Here’s to love with healthy boundaries
because - what is love, if you cannot say ‘no’ once in a while.
I wish you a pleasant day, and a rest of the week
And may we embrace peace as if it were a dying ember in the cold of the night
Because god knows, we don’t need to fight; to thrive,
there is enough for all of us.
Just not enough for our endless appetite for destruction.
With my love,
t.s.ronnie