(If only I can tell you how much mental bandwidth goes into looking and feeling fit, I would probably need a hundred essays just to fill you in on all the data I have accumulated over more than three decades. )
For someone who thinks a lot about my own fitness and well-being, I tend to slack a lot more than I ought to.
And that could be in part due to my genetic makeup, part due to careful dietary considerations and definitely in part due to willpower to stay fit and in shape so I can fit into the many brilliant pieces of clothing that are now available to me via free shipping.
—
I was at my fittest a few months ago, till I was hit with a bronchial inflammation, followed by a holiday to find myself in the hills - filled with very soulful home kitchen cooking - then work and life and ennui.
I found myself eating erratically, sleeping erratically and just not working out at all.
—
Many people don’t seem to mind a little weight here and there.
And they seem to have the tremendous resolve to slightly balloon then get into a rigour that is both superhuman and insanely transformational.
I am not many people.
—
This is the case with most things in my life
Anything I don’t address right there
builds up and waits
and when it does
I cannot tackle it - at all
Like clutter
Or workload
Or weight.
There’s a pattern to my behaviour
As long as I keep doing little things daily
Im good
the minute i slip
and reach a level where Im overwhelmed
I cannot get back up without some level of help
And as someone that’s grown up fiercely independent
asking for help is not impossible
its just not my natural default
—
I don’t like a gym trainer
I don’t like the idea of a dietician
I don’t think I can stand the idea of not being able to look at myself
in the mirror
in a dress of my liking
—
here’s another revelation I’ve had these past few days
I will push myself hard on many things
but I am both lazy and languid with myself
when it comes to a workout.
it’s not unique.
but what makes it unique is that
when I struggle with motivation
or with the sense of being overwhelmed
I do two things…
I need a start-me-up: something to motivate me to get on that mat, go on that run
And I need to do it myself: no gym trainer, no subscription plan. nothing.
—
There is a simple metric I follow for myself.
Fat cells have memory.
They remember the amount they expanded and
each time you lose weight and then slowly start to gain it again
the cells expand just a little more from where they last left off.
it’s called weight cycling. Read the research to learn about it.
I’ve known this for years from being an attentive resident of my body.
So, each time I get to ideal body weight,
and then either eat more than I ought to,
or work later hours and get lazy
Or just fall off the workout bandwagon,
I know I will have to pull myself back
before the weight cycling
What never helps though
is poor dietary control brought on….
by all the food service apps
and late-night free delivery
of calorically dodgy,
nutritionally challenged
party for your mouth options
And though I usually pride myself
on eating clean
and eating right
sometimes
I find myself
drawn
to a random food delivery app
and some random dish that I would otherwise scorn
when I’m in bed alone at 2 in the night……